Do you feel a sense of harmony in your home?
Creating a peaceful home with children can be challenging. Often parent and child have opposing needs. Children have strong emotions without the ability to handle them. Parents become tired and overwhelmed by the demands of daily life and the attention that children require.
The parent and child struggle often looks like a chaotic whirlwind in which each is struggling with attention, control, emotions, exhaustion, and incompatibility.
There are ways to calm the storm. Two strategies can make your home more peaceful tomorrow:
- Firstly, by developing the relationship with your child through more connection, you will both gain a better emotional state.
- Secondly, by providing your child with lots of choices you give them that sense of control they need.
Building physical and emotional connection
Connection begins when you start bonding with your infant when they are born. Physical and emotional connection creates a healthy attachment, which is necessary for your baby to live and thrive. It is the foundation to a loving and trusting relationship. As your child grows and life progresses that physical and emotional connection is not reinforced as regularly, but it remains very important.
Connecting with your child on a daily basis provides many psychological benefits for both you and your child. It provides your child the physical and emotional connection they need, and it helps foster the positive relationship we want to have with them as they become teens.
How does connection create a more peaceful home?
Connection creates feelings of love and acceptance. Quite simply put, when children, or people for that matter, feel good, they cooperate more.
How to connect with your child
There are many ways to connect with your child. The trick is to find what works best for you and your child. It can be as simple as physical contact like hugging and snuggling or a little touch on the shoulder. Emotional connection is a matter of truly being present with your child and really being in their world. This can happen through doing activities together, like reading a book, doing a craft, playing a game or just being silly with them. Connecting can be as simple as a being fully present in a conversation and can sometimes happen as fast as a loving, knowing smile.
The important thing to remember is to CONNECT DAILY.
As a bonus tip, try to connect in the morning before school. Mornings can be rushed and chaotic. Make an effort to connect before they leave you for the day and the benefit for both child and parent is a solid, a loving beginning, which makes for an overall better day for all!
Providing your child with choices
Creating an opportunity for more choices for your child works especially well for toddlers, but can have positive effects for children of all ages.
Giving more choices throughout the day will give your child more control over their own world. They crave and need this control.
Everyone wants to have a feeling of control. It is hard when someone else is always telling you what to do and when to do it. When children feel like they have more control over their own world, they become more cooperative. They are also less likely to fight you when a choice is not possible.
Choices can be offered on the simplest of things. For smaller kids, two choices are fine. When dealing with older kids you can offer more. Only offer the choices you can live with and offer them often. Examples might be; “Would you like the blue cup or the red cup?” “Would you like to wear the green shirt or the yellow shirt?” “Would you like to leave the park in 5 minutes or 10 minutes?” “Would you like to do your homework at 6:00 or 6:30?” “Would you like to go to the movies, the mall or the pool today?”
Both establishing daily connections and offering choices are easy to implement and the results are quite amazing. Remind yourself: Bring connection and choices into your daily parenting routine and soon it will become second nature.
Here is your takeaway: Positive actions equal positive results.
- Daily (at least)
- Physical and emotional
- Be fully present
- When children feel good, they act better
- Offer often
- Appropriate for their age
- Choices you can live with
- When children have more control, they act better
You can start to quiet that storm using connection and choices and bring a little more harmony into your home. Over time, these techniques will provide not only more cooperation and peace, but you will be building a stronger relationship between you and your child that will continue to grow and last a lifetime.